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This article was written in reaction to A. Mabini’s provocative essay “The Pilipina’s infatuation with the White Man,” which was published in the December 2011 issue. Authors, John Nicholson and Choi Mercado, have chosen to write their response by sharing with The FilAm readers their personal account of their own Filipino-Western relationship.

 

John, 40, is a British financial professional working in New York City. He is engaged to Choi, a shop assistant who works in Manila. They have been in a “very long distance” relationship for three years. They met by accident when neither of them was looking for a relationship. What began as friendship has taken on a life of its own, with John finding himself exuberantly in love with a woman he found “halfway around the world.”

The rest of their story below.

‘If adults are happy together, why does it matter what color their skin is?
By John Nicholson

Any visitor to the Philippines has seen the older western man with the much younger Filipina. The woman is assumed to be using her feminine charms to con her way into a green card. Once the gentlemen with the ‘pay by the week’ companions have gone home, still some couples remain, together by choice.

Everyone has heard anecdotal stories of Fil-Western relationship disasters with the unfortunate man being bled dry or abandoned. A very good movie, “Closer To Home,” 1996, illustrates this beautifully. The man, portrayed as being a ‘loser’ with neither youth, looks, money or social graces. He is unable to find a ‘proper girlfriend’ in the west and so in desperation looks elsewhere.

It isn’t true. These men and women are merely making a choice.

Marriage was instituted because two people can live better than one. The arrangement benefits both parties and is suitable for the rearing of children. In many ways, marriage itself is a business arrangement. This doesn’t mean there isn’t love involved, but the institution of marriage is not as Hollywood portrays.

Men-women relations of any race are governed by the need for companionship, financial benefit, access to sex and affection, and a stable environment for the raising of children. To attract a partner and fulfill these needs, both sexes employ strategies to make themselves attractive. Women by wearing clothing that highlights their physical attractiveness and men by flaunting their implied ability to care for a family by buying expensive clothing or cars.

Why would some Filipina women and western men choose each other in preference to someone in their own country? They simply must find qualities in each other that are harder to obtain nearby.  (please reference belpw)....


reference:   John Nickolson, "' If adults are happy together, why does it matter what color their skin is?",  The FilAm,  19 February 2014
Read more at:   http://thefilam.net/archives/13860  


 

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